in the home stretch

>study in time flying: Audrey 6 mos vs. Audrey 3 yrs.

I realized mid-email tonight that 3/4 of this year is over. Gone, done, past, bye-bye. I took my daughter out tonight on a girl-date with a few of our girlfriends, and watched Audrey acting like a little girl. She's just not a baby anymore. She insisted on sitting in a highchair at the ice cream parlor for some reason, and spilled some of her lime-green ice cream on the floor, but she's not a baby any more. At least I could still read her stories tonight and tuck her in bed and know she'd be asleep in a few minutes. My son Jude is getting so big he insists on reading stories to me or worse, just to himself, and climbs into his bunkbed and tries not to sleep for the next hour in case we watch TV.

Today I also visited my grandma on our weekly trek to her care home. My grandfather passed away when Jude was a month old, and I don't think any of us thought she'd survive this long. She turns 94 this December, and has Alzheimer's disease, diabetes, and slowly advancing kidney failure. She had a bandage on from trying to punch one of the caregivers last weekend - my kind, sweet-tempered, wouldn't-say-boo-to-anyone Grandma! - and I just listened to her try to remember the right sequence of words for saying grace before lunch, and watched her doze off while we worked a puzzle, and couldn't help laughing with her when she shook with laughter at Audrey making silly kissy faces during lunch. She is not the Grandma I used to know - the one that created a thriving vegetable garden from the sandy Yuma soil in their backyard, and used to fry up cornmeal-battered catfish like nobody's business. But I also never know when she may be gone forever, so for the memories, and the hope that she is comforted even on days she doesn't seem to remember us, and for my kids to know what it's like to love someone just because, and a hope that someone will visit me if ever I am in such a position, we keep going. And the weeks go by.

Yesterday I noticed my friend Sylvia has been secretly expanding with her unborn baby - number three, due next February. I forget she is pregnant sometimes, with this baby. I think she forgets she is pregnant, sometimes. Poor third babies, I think. At least Sylvia is one of those intentional moms that saves cute artwork and takes pictures and writes down the mile-markers of baby's first year.

Another marker of time passing. Victor turns 41 this weekend. No birthday bash this year (sorry, sweetie, last year was the big one!), but maybe a new gas grill for the backyard if he's lucky.

Lastly, I have two weeks left to my marathon in St. George, UT. October 4, the big day, draws nigh. The website (http://www.stgeorgemarathon.com/, of course) lists 16 days, 8hours, 33min and counting. Yikes! Actually, I feel very physically ready for the marathon - long runs, speedwork, weights, and the half marathon 2 weeks ago all indicate a good race. (And now I finally get to taper!) But I feel not at all ready for the camping trip in Zion National Park to follow, which requires more logisticial preparation of grocery shopping, gear-checking, vehicle tuning, and packing. I hope we can fit everything in the truck. Nissan Pathfinders are not the roomiest of SUV's, especially with 2 kids and their bulky carseats taking up the back seat. And all their books, and their latest favorite toys, and Blankie and "Robey" and Bear (of course!), and you get the picture, I guess. Then there's Victor's fishing gear. I'm hoping he's not planning to bring his flyfishing float tube, for instance.

All of these updates simply to observe that time sure flies, whether you have fun or not. I just want to be present enough in the moment to notice the little things - like my daughter's shy smile when she whispers which dress she wants to wear "so everyone will know I am a princess;" and my Grandma shaking with laughter till the tears run down from her reddened eyes onto lined cheeks; and my husband's attempt to be nonchalant when he tells me what he wants for his birthday "if anyone asks;" and the seconds ticking away on the marathon website, inviting me to watch the moments pass. Please, God, let me not miss these things in my anxiety over the past I can't change and my hopes for the uncertain future.

Excuses, events, an end of an era

Where do I start? Does it matter?

In the two weeks since I last wrote, I have been horribly sick for 3 or 4 days; visited a friend in Tucson; caught up 2 months worth of my husband's business finances; steam-cleaned my carpets; interviewed for a training position; went to a birthday party sans kids and stayed up til 3am; started intense weight training and longer long runs in preparation for my October marathon; ended one job and started another; and today I write this as I wait for my sister to arrive and drop off my four young nephews, who will stay at our house today and all day tomorrow while she is away.

That all just sounds like a bunch of excuses for not writing, however. Yet I feel as though so much has occurred, I have no emotions left to process it all. I mean, even the steam cleaning felt emotional. I don't think my carpets have been this clean since we moved in to our house eight years ago; maybe once before the kids arrived? That thought brings both happiness (my floor is finally clean!) and shame (think of the filth we've lived in!).

The intestinal virus I got left me so fatigued I couldn't drum up any emotions other than the hope that it would finally leave me alone to recover. I became so dehydrated my husband almost took me to the hospital. I thought of the large deductible we would have to shell out, and rallied enough energy to attempt putting down more Gatorade and fend off such drastic measures. Eventually that worked. This made the third time this year that I caught such a bug , and I'm ready to start eating Activa yogurt daily, or try colon cleansing, just to avoid another one.

Staying up past midnight for the party and the finances - well, if being sick taught me nothing else, it taught me that I cannot simultanously increase my marathon training and decrease my hours of sleep (and then add a playdate with friends recently ill). Note to self. Bad combination.

So that leaves the job change. Finished my last day as personal trainer at the corporate fitness facility of Schaller Anderson, now turned Aetna, in Tempe. I made some neat friendships in the past year; I am sad to be leaving them. However, I am trying to look at the positive. That was a season, on to the next. Maybe this is the opening I needed to pursue the writing career I've been slowly working on, as well as continue some training on the side. I'm excited to start working on the website copy for IronBody's new interactive website (see www.iron90.com for the current site); and finish writing two booklets for my husband's coaching business (I also helped write copy for his updated website, www.victorencinas.com, that premiers on Monday!); and maybe some more time to add to this blog, just for fun?? I love to enjoy all three of the activities I love - writing, running, and training. And then I think of the other, major hat I wear. Maybe I spend some of that extra time reading and playing with Jude and Audrey, who got a little ignored last month while I've worked and written and ran extra hours. I'll let you know how it goes!